Old Fashioned with a Twist please

6 Feb


Life definitely inspires me to write. Sometimes monologues, sometimes poems, and sometimes I just let the words pour out.

The video I posted below I would say as you call it, was the icing on the cake for todays outpour…

At first the video made me cringe because it’s another body builder motivational video. But close your eyes. Listen to the words…

I am not sure why every motivational video always has the visuals of physical perfection to achieve. What happened to what’s deeper? The values of selflessness, pride of family, loyalty of love?

I heard recently that our generation is the generation of selfishness. Gosh that makes me sad.

Call me old fashioned with a twist but why is that we can’t embrace the freedoms that our parents, grandparents etc fought for us to have but with all the class and morals they had ? Why is it always one way or the other? That if you’re classy and old fashioned that means you have to be close minded? A house wife, or the man that makes all the money… Aren’t we smarter than that? That’s the problem we are a smart generation, but not wise. Or if you’re independent and up to date with how things are now a days then that means your young, immature, selfish and too radical. Have we really not learned to combine the greatest attributes of all the generations together? Move forward in great stride… Apparently not. That also makes me sad.

Ok so back to the video ;)

Let me get this out of the way first- to achieve a body builders physique takes a lot of sacrifice. The things you have to do, have to give up, it definitely takes a lot from within to be able to attain. However my outpour today isn’t to tare down or support body builders, or any other self involved dream for that matter. It’s about the words being said behind the video. I feel the words will get lost to most because the words are getting masked to make you think and feel its about the visual board you’re seeing. Not that it can, and probably is about so much more than just physical goals.

To be a body builder, an actor, a model or any other self serving dream is a selfish one. I can say this because I once attempted to be an actress. I have actor friends, body builder friends, model friends, travelers of the World that take off in an instant friends. I don’t say selfish dream to be mean. I say it to be accurate. Because the only way you will attain that dream is to put it first. Which means goodbye healthy relationships, a chance at a happy family, and having those be there for you when you need it. It will be a Life full of adventures, and people you have surface level relationships with, and strangers that support you. But to have that real in depth love, that also takes sacrifice, priority, and selfishness toward the cause. You can’t have both. It’s the balance of Life.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”  …. A powerful start… Isn’t that the question we all wonder? But it is simple. And if you really want it then you’ll do whatever it takes to get it. You won’t care how you look to others, it won’t bother you what others say. Because if you can find it deep within you what you really want in Life, and make it loud enough it drowns out pride, arrogance, and the negativity around you. Then something amazing happens. You finally get it. And all those around you have nothing to say. You’ll have others ask for advice how you got it? The truth, you gave everything up to get it, gave all you had and then whatever else it took for however long it took to get it.

I wish this showed images of a happy family and all the struggles before the family gets there. A successful marriage and all the battles they have to overcome to get to that moment. A young adult that struggles with a hard childhood and takes the necessary steps to get help and learn to use their past to become a self sufficient adult. The people out there that battle addictions and win every day by not going back to old habits. As well as those of you that battle financial snags, or doubt of faith… I wish those are the visual boards all of these motivational videos now a-days would have instead. Because our country is definitely hurting and slacking when it comes to those values. The values that made us so strong. Yes some of the ignorant ways needed to be let go, but that doesn’t mean we also had to shed the importance of unity.

Again we live in a free country where if you want to follow your dream and that dream is all about you. Have at it. I guess for me I want to start the revolution on the new generation. Heck even the past ones. Where they embrace all we have learned about treating EVERYONE equal but also holding on to the ethics of our past. I had selfish dreams. But then I had a daughter. And I didn’t change I just grew up, and my dream became hers. I feel I am a dying breed in today’s society. I am old fashioned with a twist, I hope you are too.

It’s never to late to join :)


24 Jan



Save Draft


Save Draft

What am I saving for?

How do I move forward when I feel frozen

Frozen by manipulation

Standing still in time out of fear

I just want to be at the crossroad already

I’m so eager to take that step

I want to step into a Life I’ve been waiting for

For a gal who lacks patience

30 years is enough… I’ve done my time

So step over with us

Or stay stuck like you keep choosing to do

I’ve tried to push you

Pull you

Let you come at your own time

But all your doing is holding me back

And you’re strong

But there is so much you don’t know about me

I can endure

And right when you think you have me beaten and let up a little

I will break free

Like a Rose from concrete

a Phoenix from it’s Ashes

Don’t underestimate me

Because I love that challenge

And the look on a persons face after

Don’t become a part of that group

You’re going to lose something

Something you don’t realize at this moment

That you’ll want more than anything in Life

And there won’t be anything I can do after

Be humble look at the bigger picture


We not me

You not I

Don’t pass up your future

Because your stuck in your past ways

Ps Sometimes Music speaks what we can not… All videos have Lyrics


23 Jul

Forever you have changed my Life

I might be uneasy at times but it’s only because I love you that much already

I knew you were there without a doubt

The only thing I’ve been sure of lately

You create new feelings that I don’t know what to do with

You’re already making me a better person

I’ve been waiting my whole Life for someone to do that

Then like a real surprise you come along and show me

Who I could of been

I finally have regrets :)

But you show me who I can be

You inspire me to be my best

I haven’t felt this way since I was 10

A feeling I gave up on recently

My eyes tear up

Only to realize it really has started

I am your mother now & forever

I will always be here for you even if you think I’m not

I’m weird, different, & I might not make sense at times

But I promise you’ll see

I’m making the World yours

That is what I do with every step

Because God finally gave me what I’ve been begging for my entire Life… I just didn’t know it was going to be You…

Til Now <3

Leave Me

23 Jul

I write in hopes that once the words leave me it will… Leave Me

You cross my mind as if you never left

My heart still aches if I stop reminding myself to breathe

And my dreams… My dreams are filled with the one thing I’m not allowed


It pains me to know I was so easy to forget

Every memory you chose so violently to vanish from your Life

As if I never existed

It stings the back of my throat when I hear about her


Is everything replaceable with me?

Some horrible nightmare that you can’t escape?

Waterslides? Lightening Bugs? Blistered Thumbs? Sunset Walks?

The Music…? The Faith???


I have new adventures ahead of me

Yet I still glance behind to make sure

I was so scared but I trusted you

I gave in for once… A year of my worst fears

I never imagined that you would of been on that side

Convincing, reasurring, loving me I guess was all just a game

You win

The first ever

I wish this would just leave me already just how abrubtly & cold as you did

Then we both could be where you are~

Where You Are

8 Apr

So I feel so much right now…

Could be pathetic regrets later.

But now I feel heartache

I look back and wish I could take back

I’d take back the yelling…

The threats

The part where I took you for granted

I would add cherishing you

Loving you deeper

And showing you how special you are to me


I don’t know where you are

What you’re doing

Who you’re with….

And what you really feel

It pains my heart deeper than you’ll ever know

I want to run to you

To have you hold me

Kiss me like you mean it

Wipe my tears and make me smile again

Take this emptiness and fill me up 

I want to hear your laugh

I desperately want to add to your Life

Wanting to grow together 

I want you to look at me like you use to

But I don’t know where you are

I check high and low

Left to right


But I can’t see you

I wish you’d stop running

Stop hiding from me

From us

I know it’s hard

Scary. A risk.

But take my hand

I will love you


I will go…

Where you are

With Faith

18 Jan

I Walk

I Walk into the unknown fearful

I can not see far ahead of Me but I dream

I dream of the impossible

But nightmares intercede and show Me of another possible fate

Dark clouds cling to the Sky

I know the Sun tries to breakthrough

The land barren with positive influences

Not  a single trust worthy being in sight

Behind Me are just shadowed memories

Beneath My feet are words I’m walking past

In the hope the next crossing will unveil actions I can rely on

I catch a break every now and then

The wind will be soft like a song

That lifts My spirit and carries Me in harsh surroundings

But sometimes it comes crashing down like a huge wave

Causing Me to cradle to the worded floor beneath Me

And then I am weak…

I see these words and try to hold on to them so tightly

But I can not… Like my shadowed past when I reach for it…

It slips through my fingers… It is not tangible anymore

Water falls from above and it cuts through the thick layer of fogged dispair

I soak in every tiny drop of clarity, I allow it to cling to Me

With it I stand passionately with vibrance and…

I continue to Walk


7 Dec

It is hard to be different in this World… Because the new “it” thing is to be different. Its frustrating and infuriating. You have all these people wandering around trying to falsely re-create themselves to be unique. When the truth is they themselves don’t even like it, they just like the attention.

I almost want to tell them it’s pathetic. Not because they are trying to be one of a kind, or even in a sense wanting all this attention. But because being different isn’t some cool thing. To those that are naturally different, we didn’t get here by accident. It was a lonely path. Difficult. We all went through a phase where we weren’t the cool kid and still survived to be ourself despite the ridicule.

I can’t stand over night change. Because that’s not reality. It misleads our future that hard work doesn’t pay off. That if you do something so ridiculous you can have it your way. When really it’s just a temporary feeling.

I lived almost everywhere there is to live in the United States for atleast a year each. In the hardest years of my Life. When I’m still discovering myself and haven’t acquired any stability.  No where or nothing where I can touch and yell out “base”. I guess figuring out who I am along with changing hormones was just too easy in my eyes I had to add in moving further and further away from home to strange places knowing no one. And getting my heart repeatedly broken. Just to make certain nothing was going to be simple ;)

I’ve met a lot of people. Burned some bridges. Learned a hell of a lot of lessons. And I don’t know everything. But I am very perceptive. To a point it’s almost a curse than a blessing. I say that because maybe if I didn’t have a heart the size it is I would say it’s an awesome power. But quite the opositte.

Being a know it all is just annoying. Revealing people’s vulnerable attributes, or seeing right through their acts and masks and protective layers will cast you out from them much sooner then their rivaled long time enemy.

All the while, people that claim they are my “friends” or even my “enemies” all steal my identity at some point. And I’ve heard the qoute imitation is the highest form of flattery . But what if they only take and choose certain attributes that makes them look better. Like the best you. And you sit on the sidelines watching someone have your Life….  You know what I say to that???

CREATE A NEW ONE! Don’t worry about taking it back, why would you want your own leftovers??? At the end of the day they will never be YOU they can imitate you and steal things everyday for the rest of your Life but they will never be YOU. The evil in this  World will mess with your head and make you believe they have what you want, need, or the Life you were suppose to have. Great Life isn’t fair. Learn the lesson and use it to your advantage next time. Be ahead of the curve. Expect the unexpected. With that you will find peace and acceptance when others are waiting for you to explode.

Don’t get me wrong, we all have bad days. Setbacks. Moments where we are weak and fall back into old routines. But I can only pray you become stronger and stronger that those struggles vanish completely. And I am not one to tell you not to give into certain times. Everynow and then you need to scream, cry, yell, blow up, “do something crazy”…. But only to realize what a fool you are and to hopefully not repeat it. Not saying I or you will NEVER do it again. Just where its a once in a blue moon situation and we use it for the best outcome and a positive warning. I feel those that yell all the time for example their tone is not as powerful because everyone is use to it. But imagine someone that is always calm, collected, etc and they yell….. Pretty sure everyone shuts the hell up and listens. Think about that next time ;) Pick your battles. Make it worth it.

Stories inspire me. It could be the untold story I see in a picture, or the left out words in a song. A movie, TV episode, or  a book I find myself curled up with. It could be as simple as nature itself when I’m able to force myself in Life to stop and recognize it. Or a quote that is a spark from a first sentence in a story that is hidden. And the best stories of all, are the ones I hear from other peoples mouths…. That is what makes me ME… From that, the gears in my head start to turn, my heart opens up and my soul is free to be seen.

People are so quick to hurry they forget the journey. The path in becoming you is something to treasure, enjoy, savor. Even every pain, challenge, heartbreak is something building you, even if it takes you down. It creates room for something else. And it’s your choice if you let it be a positive or a negative piece that time around. I too forget the importance of patience. Realizing time sometimes has other ideas then just what is being unveiled at the moment. Sometimes enemies become the best of friends, the person you found repulsive turns into your soulmate, and the reason you didn’t get along with a family member was to really save them in the long run….


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