Archive | December, 2011

WITHIN

7 Dec

It is hard to be different in this World… Because the new “it” thing is to be different. Its frustrating and infuriating. You have all these people wandering around trying to falsely re-create themselves to be unique. When the truth is they themselves don’t even like it, they just like the attention.

I almost want to tell them it’s pathetic. Not because they are trying to be one of a kind, or even in a sense wanting all this attention. But because being different isn’t some cool thing. To those that are naturally different, we didn’t get here by accident. It was a lonely path. Difficult. We all went through a phase where we weren’t the cool kid and still survived to be ourself despite the ridicule.

I can’t stand over night change. Because that’s not reality. It misleads our future that hard work doesn’t pay off. That if you do something so ridiculous you can have it your way. When really it’s just a temporary feeling.

I lived almost everywhere there is to live in the United States for atleast a year each. In the hardest years of my Life. When I’m still discovering myself and haven’t acquired any stability.  No where or nothing where I can touch and yell out “base”. I guess figuring out who I am along with changing hormones was just too easy in my eyes I had to add in moving further and further away from home to strange places knowing no one. And getting my heart repeatedly broken. Just to make certain nothing was going to be simple 😉

I’ve met a lot of people. Burned some bridges. Learned a hell of a lot of lessons. And I don’t know everything. But I am very perceptive. To a point it’s almost a curse than a blessing. I say that because maybe if I didn’t have a heart the size it is I would say it’s an awesome power. But quite the opositte.

Being a know it all is just annoying. Revealing people’s vulnerable attributes, or seeing right through their acts and masks and protective layers will cast you out from them much sooner then their rivaled long time enemy.

All the while, people that claim they are my “friends” or even my “enemies” all steal my identity at some point. And I’ve heard the qoute imitation is the highest form of flattery . But what if they only take and choose certain attributes that makes them look better. Like the best you. And you sit on the sidelines watching someone have your Life….  You know what I say to that???

CREATE A NEW ONE! Don’t worry about taking it back, why would you want your own leftovers??? At the end of the day they will never be YOU they can imitate you and steal things everyday for the rest of your Life but they will never be YOU. The evil in this  World will mess with your head and make you believe they have what you want, need, or the Life you were suppose to have. Great Life isn’t fair. Learn the lesson and use it to your advantage next time. Be ahead of the curve. Expect the unexpected. With that you will find peace and acceptance when others are waiting for you to explode.

Don’t get me wrong, we all have bad days. Setbacks. Moments where we are weak and fall back into old routines. But I can only pray you become stronger and stronger that those struggles vanish completely. And I am not one to tell you not to give into certain times. Everynow and then you need to scream, cry, yell, blow up, “do something crazy”…. But only to realize what a fool you are and to hopefully not repeat it. Not saying I or you will NEVER do it again. Just where its a once in a blue moon situation and we use it for the best outcome and a positive warning. I feel those that yell all the time for example their tone is not as powerful because everyone is use to it. But imagine someone that is always calm, collected, etc and they yell….. Pretty sure everyone shuts the hell up and listens. Think about that next time 😉 Pick your battles. Make it worth it.

Stories inspire me. It could be the untold story I see in a picture, or the left out words in a song. A movie, TV episode, or  a book I find myself curled up with. It could be as simple as nature itself when I’m able to force myself in Life to stop and recognize it. Or a quote that is a spark from a first sentence in a story that is hidden. And the best stories of all, are the ones I hear from other peoples mouths…. That is what makes me ME… From that, the gears in my head start to turn, my heart opens up and my soul is free to be seen.

People are so quick to hurry they forget the journey. The path in becoming you is something to treasure, enjoy, savor. Even every pain, challenge, heartbreak is something building you, even if it takes you down. It creates room for something else. And it’s your choice if you let it be a positive or a negative piece that time around. I too forget the importance of patience. Realizing time sometimes has other ideas then just what is being unveiled at the moment. Sometimes enemies become the best of friends, the person you found repulsive turns into your soulmate, and the reason you didn’t get along with a family member was to really save them in the long run….

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The Lie

5 Dec

I want it all

The good and the bad

The pretty and the ugly

I will be there to hold your hand always

I will kiss you every morning

And every night I will draw you in close

We’ll reveal embarrassing moments

I’ll laugh when you’re stumbling around and being cute

I will protect you from the evil in this World

I will love you even when you don’t deserve it, but clearly need it

I know that you are stubborn but you’ll learn you can count on me

I know that it’s hard for you, but depend on me. I will never stray

No matter what, abandoning you is not an option

Other women? What other women 😉

Even when I am scared to the bone I will never deceive you

My Loyalty, honesty, faithfullness and unconditional love is just the beginning

I will make it my mission to make sure you’re always happy because only then am I truly happy

Now that I have you, we will grow together as one and no longer as two individuals roaming this Earth

I will fight for you forever

The title best friend of my entire Life doesn’t even begin to cover it

You are my soulmate

I want you to be the mother of my children

You will be my wife

I don’t know what I would do without you, you brought color to my grey World

You are my everything

We are every great love story

We are like any and every animal that mates for Life

I will never hurt you, harm you, or use my strength against you

I only want you to be cheerished beyond measure

I love you 

*Please refer to the title of this blog….

You let it fade… It was all a well told lie you told me… Bottom line and fact is if it wasn’t a LIE then I wouldn’t feel this way and the TRUTH is I wouldn’t just have all these words to write –

Not forever thine, not forever yours, or ours… You broke that along with the heart I gave you-