Archive | July, 2014

Just a Bad Day

23 Jul


Let me be held

Wash away the negativity

Life hits hard

I try to keep up

But I find myself falling a lot lately

For the wrong things

Clarity has become a distant friend

I grasp all around

Everything is a mirage

I keep looking back

As if the past can change

The future is so blurry

I think I need glasses

My mouth is falling apart

Words seem to escape me

This transition is taking longer than expected

When do I get to enjoy this Life

Is it all just made up of things I can’t have

Optimism has faded

Numbness sets in deeper

Inspire me

To get me back to me

Today I guess…

Just breathe




6 Jul


Glass of wine in hand… Fireplace on, yes I know it’s July 😉 I know I’ve been writing a lot of blog type of entries lately. But it’s just where I’m at lately… So if you’re sick of them sorry haha. I would say this is my last one for a while but who knows 🙂

The title of this one is M… Again interesting timing. I just saw the Disney movie Maleficent.

Maleficent. Makana. Mother.

All M’s. Again timing cracks me up. I was almost a mother once before my Rose. And I just had a conversation with him regarding my name Makana that has a direct relation to that time.

And who saves her but Aurora Rose. My daughters middle name has such significance to me. They never call Aurora, Rose in this Disney movie but in the classic they do all the time. I never call my Daughter by her middle name. I never even say the 2 together. Because I don’t need to. I liked the correlation in this movie, how we all know her middle name but it is never mentioned. The thorns were very present and with her floating thru them. How through thorns something beautiful can rise above them. Since the fairy once was good, then bad. Like a winter that freezes the flowers and only the thorns exist. But when the sunlight comes again, a Rose will bloom even in the most harsh of conditions.

This movie was about how there was a girl that was different from the rest. A man came and out of his greed and ambition took a part of her to make him a King in his own World. Cheaply. Couldn’t kill her but took something that haunted her for so many years. That unfortunately made her forget the light she possessed and gave in to darkness. Without her even really realizing it. For decades. The longer time went on, the more she slipped into someone she never could of imagined as a little girl turning into. She loved others still and protected them but she was damaged. Consumed with revenge, filled with loss and her pain that was hidden from others by her beauty and strength.

Ya… I can relate.

Trusting has never come easy for me. I saw it as giving someone the power to take from me again when I least expected. That if I was not a step ahead, someone would take advantage of my weakness again. I vowed to never be that stupid foolish girl again. But with that doesn’t just shut out the bad it also shuts out the good. And then you forget what the good feels like. That it’s worth it. You only see the bad, and that you’re safe from any further darkness. Except not realizing, you’re not safe from your own. Which is the most poisonous and dangerous.

Right when I think I can’t love Disney anymore they start renovating in a way that just floors and astonishes me… Renders me speechless. Has me feel so many things I can only smile, soak it in and beam from every part of me.

Their TV show Once Upon a Time, and the Frozen movie (I have no choice because my daughter is in love with it to watch countless times) and now Maleficent is a great direction they are going for young girls. YESSS!!! Thank you!! Something to finally fight against what the rest of our society is teaching them. That to still be classy, smart, beautiful and special by just being you. That true love isn’t wrapped up in a man. That finding love with a significant other is a bonus, and yes a gift to be treasured but it’s not the only thing you have to aspire to in Life. Or what will define you. That there are other things to look forward to. The classic line of all you need to worry about is finding a prince marrying him and living happily ever after, and if you don’t then you’re an outcast because obviously something is wrong with you. Disney is teaching that true love and loyalty can come from family and friends. That the story isn’t always what people say it is. To take a look for yourself. Instead of just going along with the herd. And that by doing so doesn’t make you weird, it makes you special. As long as you are genuine and true.

And now with their most recent movie. That you can make un-forgivable mistakes but not be imprisoned to that path for the rest of your Life. That you can break free from those chains. It won’t be easy. You have to own up to them, and fight thru hell to earn your wings back even though it was not your fault they were taken in the first place.

But if you’re open and willing, what you cursed against the World out of loss, pain, what was unfair to you and then bestowed on someone else… They might just be who returns your wings to you if you show them a part of the real you… If you can look past the dark. Yes maybe you didn’t create it, but you allowed yourself to deepen in the path of darkness. At one point you will come to a fork in the road, and you will have the opportunity to see the light that you fight so hard to ignore, and if you choose to take a second look it will find you and consume the little part you have left. And that tiny amount can create universes.

That has always been the difference between light and dark. Dark can be so much and it can feel so consuming and overwhelming. And it seems it has an endless amount of soldiers that will never give up fighting the battles. But the light… The light if it just has One it will always win the War. It’s not about numbers. But that’s always want the enemy wants you to think. Because it’s easier to deceive. Easier to defeat you if you’re scared. And what a better way than visually. Because your mind is easy to persuade. But your heart, not so much.

So when you feel overwhelmed by your circumstance or demons, close your eyes. Silence all the doubts and fears. And feel with your heart. Don’t let other choose your path. Then move forward.

If Your Heart Is Open, Love Will Always Find Its Way In.”  Jayne Seymour

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes.
Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. “Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.