23 Jul

Forever you have changed my Life

I might be uneasy at times but it’s only because I love you that much already

I knew you were there without a doubt

The only thing I’ve been sure of lately

You create new feelings that I don’t know what to do with

You’re already making me a better person

I’ve been waiting my whole Life for someone to do that

Then like a real surprise you come along and show me

Who I could of been

I finally have regrets ūüôā

But you show me who I can be

You inspire me to be my best

I haven’t felt this way since I was 10

A feeling I gave up on recently

My eyes tear up

Only to realize it really has started

I am your mother now & forever

I will always be here for you even if you think I’m not

I’m weird, different, & I might not make sense at times

But I promise you’ll see

I’m making the World yours

That is what I do with every step

Because God finally gave me what I’ve been begging for my¬†entire Life… I just didn’t know it was going to be You…

Til Now ‚̧


Leave Me

23 Jul

I write in¬†hopes that once the¬†words leave me¬†it¬†will… Leave Me

You cross my mind as if you never left

My heart still aches if I stop reminding myself to breathe

And my dreams… My dreams are filled with the one thing I’m not allowed


It pains me to know I was so easy to forget

Every memory you chose so violently to vanish from your Life

As if I never existed

It stings the back of my throat when I hear about her


Is everything replaceable with me?

Some horrible nightmare that you can’t escape?

Waterslides? Lightening Bugs? Blistered Thumbs? Sunset Walks?

The Music…? The Faith???


I have new adventures ahead of me

Yet I still glance behind to make sure

I was so scared but I trusted you

I gave in for once… A year of my worst fears

I never imagined that you would of been on that side

Convincing, reasurring, loving me I guess was all just a game

You win

The first ever

I wish this would just leave me already just how abrubtly & cold as you did

Then we both could be where you are~

Where You Are

8 Apr

So I feel so much right now…

Could be pathetic regrets later.

But now I feel heartache

I look back and wish I could take back

I’d take back the yelling…

The threats

The part where I took you for granted

I would add cherishing you

Loving you deeper

And showing you how special you are to me


I don’t know where you are

What you’re doing

Who you’re with….

And what you really feel

It pains my heart deeper than you’ll ever know

I want to run to you

To have you hold me

Kiss me like you mean it

Wipe my tears and make me smile again

Take this emptiness and fill me up 

I want to hear your laugh

I desperately want to add to your Life

Wanting to grow together 

I want you to look at me like you use to

But I don’t know where you are

I check high and low

Left to right


But I can’t see you

I wish you’d stop running

Stop hiding from me

From us

I know it’s hard

Scary. A risk.

But take my hand

I will love you


I will go…

Where you are

With Faith

18 Jan

I Walk

I Walk into the unknown fearful

I can not see far ahead of Me but I dream

I dream of the impossible

But nightmares intercede and show Me of another possible fate

Dark clouds cling to the Sky

I know the Sun tries to breakthrough

The land barren with positive influences

Not  a single trust worthy being in sight

Behind Me are just shadowed memories

Beneath My feet are words I’m walking past

In the hope the next crossing will unveil actions I can rely on

I catch a break every now and then

The wind will be soft like a song

That lifts My spirit and carries Me in harsh surroundings

But sometimes it comes crashing down like a huge wave

Causing Me to cradle to the worded floor beneath Me

And then I am weak…

I see these words and try to hold on to them so tightly

But I can not… Like my shadowed past when I reach for it…

It slips through my fingers… It is not tangible anymore

Water falls from above and it cuts through the thick layer of fogged dispair

I soak in every tiny drop of clarity, I allow it to cling to Me

With it I stand passionately with vibrance and…

I continue to Walk


7 Dec

It is hard to be different in this World… Because the new “it” thing is to be different. Its frustrating and infuriating. You have all these people wandering around trying to falsely re-create themselves to be unique. When the truth is they¬†themselves¬†don’t even like it, they just like the attention.

I almost want to tell them it’s pathetic. Not because they are trying to be one of a kind, or even in a sense wanting all this attention. But because being different isn’t some cool thing. To those that are naturally different, we didn’t get here by accident. It was a lonely path. Difficult. We all went through a phase where we weren’t the cool kid and still survived to be ourself despite the ridicule.

I can’t stand over night change. Because that’s not reality. It misleads our future that hard work doesn’t pay off. That if you do something so ridiculous you can have it your way. When really it’s just a temporary feeling.

I lived almost everywhere there is to live in the United States for atleast a year each. In the hardest years of my Life. When I’m still discovering myself and haven’t acquired any stability. ¬†No where or nothing where I can touch and yell out “base”. I guess figuring out who I am along with changing hormones was just too easy in my eyes I had to add in moving further and further away from home to strange places knowing no one. And getting my heart¬†repeatedly¬†broken. Just to make certain nothing was going to be simple ūüėČ

I’ve met a lot of people. Burned some bridges. Learned a hell of a lot of lessons. And I don’t know everything. But I am very perceptive. To a point it’s almost a curse than a blessing. I say that because maybe if I didn’t have a heart the size it is I would say it’s an awesome power. But quite the opositte.

Being a know it all is just annoying. Revealing people’s vulnerable attributes, or seeing right through their acts and masks and protective layers will cast you out from them much sooner then their rivaled long time enemy.

All the while, people that claim they are my “friends” or even my “enemies” all steal my identity at some point. And I’ve heard the qoute imitation is the highest form of¬†flattery¬†. But what if they only take and choose certain attributes that makes them look better. Like the best you. And you sit on the sidelines watching someone have your Life…. ¬†You know what I say to that???

CREATE A NEW ONE! Don’t worry about taking it back, why would you want your own leftovers??? At the end of the day they will never be YOU they can imitate you and steal things everyday for the rest of your Life but they will never be YOU. The evil in this ¬†World will mess with your head and make you believe they have what you want, need, or the Life you were suppose to have. Great Life isn’t fair. Learn the lesson and use it to your advantage next time. Be ahead of the curve. Expect the unexpected. With that you will find peace and acceptance when others are waiting for you to explode.

Don’t get me wrong, we all have bad days. Setbacks. Moments where we are weak and fall back into old routines. But I can only pray you become stronger and stronger that those struggles vanish completely. And I am not one to tell you not to give into certain times. Everynow and then you need to scream, cry, yell, blow up, “do something crazy”…. But only to realize what a fool you are and to hopefully not repeat it. Not saying I or you will NEVER do it again. Just where its a once in a blue moon situation and we use it for the best outcome and a positive warning. I feel those that yell all the time for example their tone is not as powerful because everyone is use to it. But imagine someone that is always calm, collected, etc and they yell….. Pretty sure everyone shuts the hell up and listens. Think about that next time ūüėČ Pick your battles. Make it worth it.

Stories inspire me. It could be the untold story I see in a picture, or the left out words in a song. A movie, TV episode, or ¬†a book I find myself curled up with. It could be as simple as nature itself when I’m able to force myself in Life to stop and recognize it. Or a quote that is a spark from a first sentence in a story that is hidden. And the best stories of all, are the ones I hear from other peoples mouths…. That is what makes me ME… From that, the gears in my head start to turn, my heart opens up and my soul is free to be seen.

People are so quick to hurry they forget the journey. The path in becoming you is something to treasure, enjoy, savor. Even every pain, challenge, heartbreak is something building you, even if it takes you down. It creates room for something else. And it’s your choice if you let it be a positive or a negative piece that time around. I too forget the importance of patience. Realizing time sometimes has other ideas then just what is being unveiled at the moment. Sometimes enemies become the best of friends, the person you found repulsive turns into your soulmate, and the reason you didn’t get along with a family member was to really save them in the long run….

The Lie

5 Dec

I want it all

The good and the bad

The pretty and the ugly

I will be there to hold your hand always

I will kiss you every morning

And every night I will draw you in close

We’ll reveal¬†embarrassing¬†moments

I’ll laugh when you’re stumbling around and being cute

I will protect you from the evil in this World

I will love you even when you don’t deserve it, but clearly need it

I know that you are stubborn but you’ll learn you can count on me

I know that it’s hard for you, but depend on me. I will never stray

No matter what, abandoning you is not an option

Other women? What other women ūüėČ

Even when I am scared to the bone I will never deceive you

My Loyalty, honesty, faithfullness and unconditional love is just the beginning

I will make it my mission to make sure you’re always happy because only then am I truly happy

Now that I have you, we will grow together as one and no longer as two individuals roaming this Earth

I will fight for you forever

The title best friend of my entire Life doesn’t even begin to cover it

You are my soulmate

I want you to be the mother of my children

You will be my wife

I don’t know what I would do without you, you brought color to my grey World

You are my everything

We are every great love story

We are like any and every animal that mates for Life

I will never hurt you, harm you, or use my strength against you

I only want you to be cheerished beyond measure

I love you 

*Please refer to the title of this blog….

You let it fade… It was all a well told lie you told me… Bottom line and fact is if it wasn’t a LIE then I wouldn’t feel this way and the TRUTH is I wouldn’t just have all these words to write –

Not forever thine, not forever yours, or ours… You broke that along with the heart I gave you-


27 Nov


If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.

She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think it’s because she’s so into you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked. Which in her mind those relationships don’t last anyways. It was just about fun for her. Or showing she can get what she wants if she needed to.

She likes a cool and collected guy who will sometime ACT like he is ignoring her, so that he has a chance to show his own confidence. But in actuality doesn’t stop for a second taking his attention off of her which she likes feeling that in awe feeling she get’s from ¬†her partner. That he continually is falling in love with her and no other woman exists no matter what. ¬†She like to guess her man‚Äôs reaction, but at the same time she likes to have many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could ¬†do things differently from other people in her same society. She dares to fight for what she thinks belongs to her.

Even though she acts confident she mostly feesl lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone , she won‚Äôt show any emotion even though deep down inside it is all pain and agony. But not for too long ¬†though, she will return back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has ‚ÄúFaith‚ÄĚ in the word ‚ÄúLove‚ÄĚ.

She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guys. She loves ‚ÄúFreedom‚ÄĚ before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She likes to be the one who is ‚ÄúRight‚ÄĚ, so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real. ¬†So be prepared if she gets to a point that she is done and over be ready to leave, she is not testing you.

She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after all your means and responsibilities. Do not have secrets with her, she hates it and really can piss her off badly. When she is sad , be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.

You will not get bored with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let her talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many type of jobs because she believes what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a ‚ÄúWorking Woman‚ÄĚ then you will be OK.

If shes mad, find a shelter for the ‚ÄúHurricane‚ÄĚ ¬†because it is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of ‚Äúpay Back‚ÄĚ time. Most people might think of her as ‚ÄúOne of the guys‚ÄĚ, but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is honest, truthful and will never bore you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.